'We weren't ordered to use a ladder, sir': Colonel orders his most literal troops to wash building's windows

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    Cheezburger Image 10369864960
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    The Legend of the Window Washers This story was told to me by Belle, a friend of mine who is a retired Army officer and takes place during the late 90's to early 00's when she was a 2nd LT. This story is more "unintentional Malicious Compliance" than anything else.
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    A fresh batch of 2nd LTs had arrived when this story starts. Among this group is a young man who had the misfortune of being nicknamed Dum Dum when he was a cadet (after the lollipop, because he liked to eat them). The man was a skilled software engineer and became popular because he was friendly, helpful and personable. Unfortunately, he wasn't the shrillest whistle on the football field. Not a lot of
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    common sense. One time, he punched himself in the face when told to "beat his face" (aka do push ups). When the others realized this, they made sure to make orders clear. Unfortunately, this story is about one of the times when someone forgot about that.
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    One day, word arrives that a General is coming to the base. Because of this, Colonel Stone (the same one who reamed out a Major's wife for threatening Belle's rank) was in a particularly foul mood. Wanting to avoid getting chewed out, Belle volunteers to run several errands. After finishing, she's passing a building when she sees an odd sight.
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    There, standing on another 2nd LT's shoulders was Dum Dum and he was holding a bucket and sponge. Belle sees that Dum Dum is washing the windows while the other 2nd LT (let's designate him Stepstool) was balancing him, holding onto his ankles. According to Belle, it was like watching a car wreck. You know you should look away but you just can't.
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    She hears Stone stop next to her, also with a befuddled look on his face. It's at this moment that Stepstool notices that they have an audience and stumbles. This causes Dum Dum to lose his balance and he falls to the ground, causing a nose. Belle and Stone get splashed by soapy water from the bucket. All three 2nd LT's stand to attention.
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    "What are you two idiots doing?" Stone asked. "We were ordered to wash the windows on the second floor for the General, Sir!" Dum Dum said. "Why didn't you get a ladder?" Stone asked. "We weren't ordered to use a ladder, Sir! We were just told to get it done!"
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    Stone stared for ten seconds, stern as his namesake, before walking around the building. It's then, they hear him laughing hysterically. Everyone is staring at one another, not sure how to react. After a minute, Stone comes back, calm as can be. "Who gave you the order to wash the windows?" "1st LT Literal, Sir!"
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    "Go to medical and get that nose checked out. Help them get a ladder, Smith, when they're cleared. And don't do that again, you two." "Yes, Sir!" After getting cleared by medical (Dum Dum was fine) Belle helps them get a ladder and returns to work. By the end of the day, word had spread and Belle got the full story. It turned out that Literal,
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    who was also in a foul mood, had snapped at Dum Dum and Stepstool to "go wash the windows on the second floor" when they asked him how they could help. When asked how they could reach the second floor, Literal (who really wanted to get them out his hair) told them "I don't care how! Just get it done! And don't bother anyone until you two get it done!" He later apologized to Dum Dum and Stepstool. Quietly, of course.
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    Dum Dum and Stepstool finished their chore and the General's arrival went well. From that day forward, Dum Dum and Stepstool were known as "the Window Washers".
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    noob-nine One time, he punched himself in the face when told to "beat his face" (aka do push ups). Started reading and stopped there as I am already laughing.
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    oofx99 I Love these military stories when something stupid like this happens. my father is retired military, so I always get a chuckle out of stories like this.
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    [deleted] Brilliancy in one area and taking the language so literally? He may have been on the spectrum.
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    Bargle-Nawdle-... That's even dumber than it sounds, because wouldn't a LT normally then order some Sergeant to form a work detail to get this done?
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    vonBoomslang to be fair to the Window Washers, they were ordered not to bother anybody who might know where to get a ladder.

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